Madness!
I just picked something
off the kitchen floor and ate it thinking it might have been a piece
of pretzel, but it also could have been pet kibble or a dried up piece
of shiitake mushroom. Wasn't wearing my glasses... Still not sure
what it was! Oh well...WASTE NOT, WANT NOT! Despite the fact that
Shun is fussy about the garbage recycling, and I'm a total freak about
our clothes, we both have a cavalier attitude towards cleaning house!
Guess I didn't get the clean-freak DNA that our fabulous mothers seem
to have so much of! LOL!
Anyway, that's not
why I'm writing. I just wanted to let you know that the plum, peach
and cherry blossoms are finished, and it's now time for the azaleas
and rhododendrons; the cityscape and countryside is going to be covered
in miles and miles, and mounds and mounds, and banks and banks of
fuchsia, pink, red and white blooms. The wisteria has also started
opening and we're going to have over 200 (!!!) blooms this year covering
the arbor on the roof! So excited I could wee!
This is also not
why I'm writing! The latest blooms reminded me that the warm weather
is right around the corner, and it's time to start getting ready for
bare arms and legs, shorts, t-shirts, sandals, bikinis, little dresses
and strapless evening gowns. Time to start beautifying!
PEDICURES! Feet
should be scrubbed, buffed and properly cared for! That includes all
you guys out there as well! Your women folk do NOT like gnarly feet!
There is nothing more off-putting. Gnarly hands are kinda hot, but
grungy feet and toenails are just plain gross!
EXFOLIATE! Nothing
like a good scrub down once a day to get rid of dead skin that clogs
pores and makes your skin look dull. I find loofahs too stiff, so
always use a scratchy long towel-like thing to keep me radiant! Bathing
is a very important part of Japanese culture; onsen (hot-springs),
sento (the neighbourhood bath-house), and the family bath at home,
and everyone scrubs down until they are positively pink and glowing.
Teenagers with problem skin will also benefit from a daily light exfoliation!
(Don't overdo it though; go gently!) Hairy guys with hairy backs that
are prone to ingrown hairs will also notice a difference a good scrubbing
makes. (Ali, you should add the link for that YouTube video of the
guy with the sebaceous cyst on his shoulder!). LOL!
MOISTURIZE! I used
to use all the fancy skin products, but gave up and just use Nivea
on my face after every time I shave. Does the trick. Olive oil is
also amazing for your skin. Not the cooking kind, but the kind you
get from a drugstore; lovely to smooth all over yourself. Have a hot
bath, get all squeaky clean, then SLATHER yourself from head to toe.
This is lots of fun to do with a friend! Then lie down on a beach
towel or old sheet and chill for about an hour to let the oil work
its magic. Blot yourself lightly and put on old pyjamas (the oil will
stain) and go to sleep still slightly oily. When you greet the rosy-fingered
dawn the next day you will be ASTOUNDED at how soft your skin is!
TAN TOPLESS! Nothing
more unsightly than tan lines when you're wearing a barely-there evening
gown or cocktail dress. My mom ALWAYS tanned without a top for just
that very reason! (Think she'll kill me for writing that?!). I'm not
the sun-bunny I used to be, but still like a bit of colour. Don't
forget the sunscreen!
WAX! Don't forget
to deal with all that unwanted hair that grew in over the winter!
That includes you guys as well! A lot of women prefer their men smooth
and buff while others like a hairier version, but I think that most
women are totally grossed out by back and shoulder hair. Get rid of
it! The first time will hurt like hell, but it's totally worth it.
Suck it up men! For a really good laugh, watch Wanda Sykes on YouTube
talking about the first time she got a bikini wax!!!
HYDRATE! Lots of
water and my favourite, GREEN TEA! If you're not a huge water fan,
as I'm not, add a splash of something sour, like grapefruit or lemon,
to jazz it up a bit!
Well sweet cheeks,
it's time to get my bag packed for a theatre weekend out of town,
and have a bite to eat. Maybe I'll go see what I can forage off the
kitchen floor! BUWAHAHAHA!!!
MWAAA! XOX
Brent
